Walking Football 8/2/15

It was decided at the end of our last game that it would be necessary to move the pitch and create some desperately needed extra space for the spectators.

Showing off their practical skills, team DOMUS set to and moved the pitch away from the dwarf wall which had become a source of injury to many of the players as they tripped, fell or were hurled over it. All in good humour and fun of course.

Next they focussed onto the stands and I am proud to say that we now have seating for 6 wide or 8 narrow beams. In fact you could actually get 9 narrow beams on, but the end one would only have one cheek on.

Before the game started a new rule was introduced called the “No contact” rule. One or two weren`t too happy about it as they like to tackle.

Impatient to get under way and with whistle in mouth and in his own courteous fashion the Mighty Vicko explained that, and I quote, “If that`s the PHEEPING! rule then that`s the PHEEPING! rule, so let`s get on with the PHEEPING game or you can all PHEEP OFF! And I`ll go back to PHEEPING BED!” His command of English is wondrous to behold.

With the players suitably chastised and with one long PHEEEEEEEEEEEP! from his whistle the game began. Gosh how exciting it was. The players soon adjusted to the new rule and very quickly passed the ball between them. A couple of times the ball hit the goalpost but eventually the persistence of the Coffin Dodgers paid off with the first goal scored by Fiery Fred.

Clutching his V8 turbo charged, twin overhead-cam Box Brownie, our erstwhile photographer, Colin “Scoop” Wheeler, could be seen dashing up and down the pitch like a thing possessed. His little legs a blur as he shot by. ZOOM-ZOOM CLICK! ZOOM-ZOOM CLICK!

Undeterred the Seizure Stoppers fought back but could not stop Lottery Len scoring again for the Coffin Dodgers. Shortly before the end of the first half Alan Mitderspecs clawed one back for the Seizure Stoppers.

Hurricane Helen supplied the oranges which were quickly albeit noisily, sucked dry. Luckily I had my ear defenders with me.

Half time over the refreshed players bounded onto the pitch to begin the second half. Shortly after play began Peter Dem Bones Kelly demonstrated the skills he had learned only that morning. Sitting in bed while dipping a stick of celery into a lightly boiled egg he watched Match of the Day and had studied the actions of various players.

I can tell you we were all impressed by his dazzling footwork as he leapt, twisted and turned as light as feather. Amazing! He promises that next week he is going to try out these new found skills with a ball. I can`t wait!

Both goals came under attack and the game heated up to a frenetic pace. In the excitement one or two players nearly tipped their wheelchairs over as they tried to manoeuvre them around the pitch.

At one point Fiery Fred hurled himself to the ground rolling over several times in agony. This move would have been more believable if his wife had not spread out a ground sheet so that he wouldn`t get his clothes dirty.

Despite being slightly impeded by his oxygen mask, the racing version, Near Miss Chris took the initiative and scored the equalizing goal for the Seizure Stoppers. Hurrah!

Both teams adjourned to the patio for a prolonged analysis. Fuelled by many pints of lager and Guinness the debate continued until dark.

By Bill White.